The dreaded day had finally arrived. A confluence of dispirit sOuls gathering together for a coffee morning, none of whom have that much in common, save only to support a small charity organisation to raise money and awareness for a just cause. Her anxiety levels had fluctuated violently since she committed herself to this event some two weeks previously as she desperately attempted to apply some mindfulness meditation techniques in an attempt to quell her inner emotional undulations. It is not that she lacks self-confidence. It is not that she feels uneasy in the company of others. It is not that sh-e is deeply introverted. No. It is the small talk and the hardest question of all for a multi-dimensional, introspective, reflective, process-orientated, emotionally-intelligent person to answer – How’s things?!!
How on earth can I possible answer that in an honest way? Little Spirit thought. At what level should I respond, without potentially over-whelming the asker? I want to be truthful and honour my own inner process, giving every aspect of me a chance to speak, yet, is that what the asker will want? But if I don’t answer openly, then I am not being honest and I need to be honest. I mean, how to I reduce the deep heart-processing I have just moved through, as I’ve tried to come to terms with my best friend not sharing with me her news, yet telling Gossiping Spirit instead. I know that there is a bigger picture in place here and that Naïve Spirit may have to learn about emotional boundaries and discernment, but I am supposed to be her Best Friend and I am hurt that she did not feel it appropriate to confide in me.
And then there is my fella. He’s going through so much at the moment and his mood is really impacting me, as I am trying to truly help him with his process, diving deeply into his inner world, holding a space for him as he comes to terms with a deep ancestral legacy script that has arisen, a script that has contributed to his mother and grandfather sabotaging their respective careers. He does not want to go down that path, yet he has already unconsciously walked far along on it, and he is needing support in trying to find an alternative path, so that he breaks the family karma. But I’m ever so tired.
And then there is my recent weight gain. Okay it is my cycle, but I’ve been eating between meals. Carbs. I know I shouldn’t as they add to that building spare tyre, and I know it is comfort snacking, as I’m tried from my fella’s stuff, but it does not make me feel good.
And there is also that profound insight I’ve had from the spiritual book that I’m currently reading, that has blown my eye open and has given me such jOy and comfort at the same time as I’m feeling tired and overwhelmed. I don’t know how to integrate that insight and I’m finding my way, yet it is all so exciting.
But I’m also not sleeping too well. I’m waking too frequently in the middle of the night. I know it’s the first sleep and it frustrates me as I’ve been meditating during the day, but still Spirit wakes me up with more insights. I wouldn’t mind if it was my hormones or the peri-menopausal flushes, but I’m not at that age yet. I know it is not my fella, maybe it is something I’m eating. Anyway, I’ve got to figure it out.
And then there is my studies. I’ve bitten off more than I can chew, and whilst I know this time will pass and it will all be worth it, after all I only need the certificate to authenticate for those with a narrow world view my ‘authority’ and give me more credibility in their eyes, but I know I don’t really need it, as I’ve been studying the contents of this course for so many years, without realising that I was studying it. I’m wondering if it is all a waste of money and time and I’m merely satisfying my egO and the egos of those who will never take the time to get to know me and what I can offer.
And then there is my own family. Don’t get me started on them, as I am truly moving on from my past. It is just so difficult dealing with them, as they still see me through eyes ten years ago and so much has changed in my world, even if they have not. I know they are a great teacher and all, but it is such an exercise in non-judgement and acceptance, and I do find it difficult.
Oh yeah, and then there’s the space I’m also holding for a friend who thinks she has a lump and is waiting on the results. I tried to talk with her about fear, death and healing, but I don’t think she is truly ready and I hope she does not go down the chemo route, but if she does, I will have to find a way to be gentle with some suggestions about how to treat the lump emotionally and spiritually, as long as I don’t impose my world view on her. But how will I do that, as I love her to pieces and hate to see her in fear and worry.
It would, therefore, be dishonourable to say I’m good, thank you for asking. You? But I am pretty sure if I answered them openly, they’d recoil. After all they are just being polite and not too interested. But then they might be, since I may be a mirror to them and they need to hear about what I am moving through, so it gives them confidence that they too are able to function at one level but not at others… But, maybe I am to learn discernment, by holding in much of what I’m going through. But am I not being dishonest to my sOul by avoiding the honest truth?
What will I do? Maybe I should not go at all, but then I dishonour the charity. So scrap that. I’ll go! Maybe they won’t ask me how I’m doing. Maybe they will just chat about the event. But can I hold a chat about the event for a couple of hours, let alone for a few minutes. I know it could lead to somewhere fruitful, but then maybe it will just feel staged and stilted…
Okay, so I’ll go. I’ll just say I’m fine and keep it simple.
Ah nuts. I can’t say I’m fine. Maybe I’ll simplify things and talk in general, roundabout terms. But can I? Hmmm… I don’t know. How can I answer truthfully yet not too intensely.
And so the battle raged through her, whilst all the time working on releasing deeply felt heart-patterns, grieving the loss of her place in her family, holding a space for her fella, coming to terms with the superficiality of her attitude towards her body, diving deeply into an emotionally intelligent and intimately intense conversation with her friend, whilst all the time meditating deeply on the profound insights that she has awoken to and trying to function in the banal world, as she tries to earn money to pay her rent and to purchase good, organic vegan food.
She rings the doorbell and waits for the door to open. I’ll dash over to the speakers, that way it will be impossible to hear properly or to have a chat. Yes, that is what I’ll do. Or maybe I will seek out those with that spark in their eyes. Yes, I could do that, as they will be truly interested about their inner journey.
The door opens.
“Little Spirit – DARLING. So glad you made it. Here, let me take your coat and let me introduce you to a few people I know”, as Little Spirit’s arm became ensnared by the hostesses vice like hand, as she was firmly guided towards a small group of sOul’s with that glazed, flat look in their eyes, before she could sneak into the event and settle herself invisibly into the evening.
“Everyone. I’d like you to meet Little Spirit.”
“Darrrrhh-ling, how arrre you?…
It’s been one of those times, hasn’t it? So deep; so emotionally profound; so much diving deeply into your ‘Inner Lake’ as highly charged emotions have arisen from long forgotten legacies, scripts and patterns; so much letting go of emotional attachments; so much grief; so profound the heart-healing and the movement within your heart consciousness; so much processing around relationships, esteem, worth, lOve/ love, family, ancestry, purpose, your body, as you have felt the impetus to cleanse and heal those deeply internally reactive emotional roots that have lain hidden beneath the veneer of busyness, getting on with your Muggle’s life, earning a living, juggling the dramatic vicissitudes of those in capable of looking inwards.
Is it any wonder why the zodiacal archetype through which your personal, and our collective, processing has been taking place is feared within a world unwilling to look inwards; lacking awareness of the profound influence of our ancestors in our current life; taking responsibility for their own reactions; to want to reduce everything to a five minute solution; to glorify the cult of the exterior; or who believes that you merely have to move on from the past without any semblances of honouring what has arisen and why?
Furthermore, is it any wonder why those who have chosen to come into this world with an intimate relationship to this ‘sign’ are considered too intense, when all they want to do is to engage with you in an emotionally relevant and honourable manner, forsaking the social niceties, getting straight to the point and being genuinely interested in how you are, beyond the automatic default response of “I’m grand thanks”.
May be it has something to do with denying the depth of our feelings? Maybe it has to do with the lack of language developed to account for the vastness of the inner world, its nuances and its ever changing landscape? Maybe it has to do with the fear of letting someone truly get to feel you. May be it has to do with the fear of the power of feelings. Whatever the actual reason, the simple truth remains – Scorpio is terrifying to those who can’t/ won’t dive in and down.
And yet, feeling is one of the four essential building blocks of being human, integral to your spiritual development as you can only free yourself once you get to the point of understanding what motivates those charged emotional reactions which test the parameters of your moral and ethical code. When someone or something provokes within you a deeply intense emotional reaction it is a sure indicator that an unhealthy, unprocessed egoic attachment, and underlying script or pattern, has just been awoken. Without freeing yourself from the slavery of that reaction, you will remain bound to the Wheel, ever co-creating groundhog day, time and time again, until one day it dawns on you, that without diving in and down, you will never release yourself from those chains that bind you.
And yet we hide our true feelings, remaining intrinsically alone, when in fact everyone experiences a deepening of emotions. Just think of how you feel when you have been manipulated, bullied or during the act of physical intimacy… Just think of how you feel when in love, when a well laid plan comes together or when you are about to jump from a plane at 15000 feet. It is hard to put language on those feelings, but they are NORMAL. NORMAL, yes NORMAL!! And yet, those intense experiences are deemed to be too personal, too private, too… you get the picture. Yet this is the realm of Fixed Water – a realm that exists within you, regardless of whether you were born with your Outer Light in this sign.
Underpinning your recent Heart-Light rebirth on the 26th October, underpinning the massive release of inner emotions onto your world since the 10th October 2017, underpinning the most recent illumination of scripts and patterns unresolved on the 23rd October 2018, Fixed Water, or Scorpio, is the word within the astrological lexicon that accounts for the NORMAL process of diving inwards into your sOul, swimming ever downwards to get to the roots of your feeling nature, so that you can cleanse and purify that which is emotionally toxic so that you can improve the quality of your emotional intelligence and also to free yourself from your attached emotional egO. This sign is the key to freeing your sOul from the ongoing drama of your emotional interactions within your world and also a key to help you create your reality, since your reality is not created by your mind and positive thought, but by the quality of your emotional heart and your feeling state.
Imagine if honestly answering the question “How’s things” was normal and not just the domain between intimate friends or in therapy? Imagine a world that took full responsibility for their interiority and gave permission to people to periodically retreat from the outer world to spend time within, without it being stigmatised as a mid-life crisis, a physical breakdown or an accident? Imagine a world full of emotionally charged people, fully free of attachment and ego? Imagine what that would mean for our community.
But why imagine when it exists within you and within everyone you have in your life. EVERYONE has this Inner Lake. Everyone has experienced a deepening and a darkening. EVERYONE. So why not start that real conversation now, especially if you are part of the male species, lagging so far behind their female counterparts. So here Is some homework for you!! The next time you are asked – How’s things, answer honestly, openly and deeply. Do not hold back. Share how you really feel, even if you are encountering paradoxical feelings at differing levels of your consciousness and within your life. Don’t engage with pleasantries that neither of you are really interested in. Share how you really feel. Share what your sOul longs for. Share how you have been able to deal with and integrate your personal dysfunctionalities, your scripts and patterns. Share your inner world, as it might just shed a light on someone else’s inner world, making their darkness light. Remember, they too have a relationship with this INNER LAKE. They too have experienced pain, trauma, jOy and elation.
Remember that it is truly empowering to open up unconditionally to another person and share the depths of your soul without having any expectation of the outcome. It is through those exchanges that you become truly conscious of your underlying psychological landscape. In knowing both the depth and heights of your feelings about yourself and your life, you can become free. Let us make our relationship to this inner landscape open and move our world, your world, into an emotional conscious and intelligent place, one that recognises the multi-dimensional emotional landscapes that exist away from the lime light.