The New Moon and Solar Eclipse in Fixed Fire (trioctile Saturn and quincunx Pluto)
11th August 2018 at 10:57am BST in Dublin Ireland
““The two hardest tests on the spiritual road are the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage not to be disappointed with what we encounter.” Paulo Coelho”
With a leap in his stride, Little Spirit confidently walked to school, deep in the knowledge that the day had finally come. Today is the day, he thought. He could feel it deep within – how right it was, how meant it was, how focused he had been on this goal and how he had worked within that singular thought over the previous months, spending extra time when those around him had idled with childlike, irrelevant distractions. It was going to be the step in the right direction. This is his path. This is his time. This is his destiny. Never before had he felt so sure, so confident, so much belief that this would be his.
The chatter of his classmates drained away, so deep he was within this moment. He was pleasant and polite, of course, as random comments, stories and chat was directed his way, but it all felt cacophonous, irrelevant, somewhat insignificant and a little irritating compared to the pending announcement of who would be given the prodigious lead role in the end of year production. That was all that matters, as he impatiently listened out for the cough of the director, the signal for quiet and the end of the inane distractions.
‘Be seated’
Moments after the sound of seating ceased, the director engaged in expected preamble making some perfunctory introductory comments that seemed to go on forever as Little Spirit willed her to cut to the chase.
The time had arrived.
And past…
His stomach dropped, his heart missed a beat, he desperately attempted to quell the rising surge of emotion as he felt a dizzying wave of nausea wash through him. Fighting back the tears, colour drained from his face, he sat in silent shock that the role was not his. He could hear the chairs scrap on the floor as bodies stood up to walk to another class. He could hear the excited talk surround him. He acknowledged the commiserations and the encouragement to ‘keep his head up’, but… but… but…
And then it came. The red tide. The indignation. The hurt. The rejection. The vengeful thoughts.
‘Little Spirit’, a quiet voice whispered inside his head. ‘Little Spirit calm yourself’
Unable to hear, so lost within a whirlpool of thoughts, the voice steadily grew louder.
‘STOP’
Frozen, the world paused, save for Little Spirit and the voice.
‘Little Spirit, what does it serve to hold onto those thoughts?’
‘Come on. I’m upset. I worked so hard for it. I did all the right things. I visualised. I aligned myself with my goal. I sacrificed. I embodied. I know this is my path and this is my time. And that stupid, ignoramus has given it to Silly Spirit, who does not even want it and will probably end up working in some cheesy diner in a couple of years’ time. It is not fair. I am the best person for that role. I am the role. I studied for it. I practised and practised and practised. They didn’t. They are not as good as me.’ Little Spirit ranted for several minutes before the Voice spoke.
‘I am very sorry that you are upset. I am very sorry that you did not get what you feel entitled to get. I am very sorry that you have not been acknowledged for your hard work and your talent. But why did you want this role so much.’
‘It is my path. The role is made for me’
‘Is it?’
‘Of course it is. Everything about that character speaks to me. I have dreamed about this role all my life and I have dreamed about performing all my life. I am an actor. It is me.’
‘Is being an actor truly YOUR path?’
‘What do you mean, is it? What sort of question is that? We all have to do something with our life.’
‘Yes, but that does mean that it is YOUR path?’
‘Of course it does. What else is there to do in life, if you don’t have an aspiration, a goal, something to motivate you?’
‘But does that mean it is YOUR path? You are not entitled to be anyone or anything Little Spirit. What you do does not make who you are. Yes, it is important to engage in activities that bring you closer to lOve. It is also important to lOve what you do and not to expect anything in return from it. Why do you want to act.’
‘Because I love it’
‘Then act. Did you get a role?’
‘Yes, but…’
‘Did you get a role?’
‘Yes, but not the role I was meant to have’
‘Were you MEANT to have it, Little Spirit? Surely if you lOve acting, then it does not matter whether you play the main role or whether you are in the supporting cast? Surely if acting is your lOve, then you will lOve all parts, as you will lOve participating, regardlessly?’
‘But I want to excel at acting. I want to become an ‘actor’. I want to make my way as an actor.’
Standing Still by Tommy Ingberg
‘Yes. Then excel at acting. But do not have any expectation or attachment to acting. If it is your path, then be the path. Do not try to impose what the path should look like or to try to make the path move in a certain direction. If you are the path, then walk it even it descends within a cooler and darker forest, when it ascends into rockier, less smooth mountains, when it meanders aimlessly or when it traverses the most lush and beautiful terrain. The path is not simply paved in gold because you feel it is time; because you have invested time and energy, or because you believe that it is the right thing for you.’
‘But I thought that if you lived your path, if you did your work, if you truly focused all your energy and attention and know it to be true, then it would manifest?’
‘And it has manifested. Maybe not in the way that you desire. Maybe not in the way that you long for. But it has manifested. Little Spirit, ask yourself, why do you need recognition for your acting? Why do you need to be acknowledged? Why have you reacted so intensely to this ‘rejection? Perhaps that is what is important. After all when we live in the future, we miss what is in front of us; when we live in our heads, we don’t feel what is in our heart; when we live in anticipation and expectation, we are only going to be disappointed; when we do something and hope that someone will acknowledge us, then we are not truly doing it for ourselves. It is perfectly right to want to be successful. It is perfectly right to dream, to aspire and to want to live abundantly. However, the path is never as you think it to be. Disappointment and joy walk hand and hand with each other. Your reaction to both will tell you a lot about what lies deep in your heart. If you truly lOve your path, then you will not get overly distracted and upset by the descending path; if you truly lOve your path, you will not get overly distracted or proud by the ascending path. But if you are trying to walk the path; if you are seeking recognition for what you do and how you walk, then you and the path are not one and the same.’
‘But I so wanted that role’
‘Yes, Little Spirit. You so wanted that role. That is okay. But you have a role. You are an actor. Maybe not the role you wanted, but you got a role. If you know you are an actor, it does not matter what role you play. Truly does not matter. Act. But Little Spirit, you need to ask yourself whether your reactions to this disappointing experience come from a sense of expectation, a sense of entitlement and a sense of pride. Remember that when you have a disproportionate emotional reaction to someone or something external, it means it has touched a deep and vulnerable part of your sOul that is bound to something that is stopping you truly being free and truly being the path. Perhaps this disappointment has emerged to help you release your sense of attachment, to help you see how dependent on validation you are, to help you see whether you truly lOve what you walk or whether your egoic longing has distracted you.’
‘Oh’
‘Little Spirit, it is in times of disappointment that you will learn more about yourself, more about the scripts and patterns that guide and dictate to you, more about the deeper motivations that drive you and the philosophy that you live by. Facing disappointment, facing entitlement, facing acknowledgement and facing expectation is absolutely necessary. Understanding why they walk with you, from who or where they have arisen and freeing yourself from their tight grip will help you truly grow as a sOul and on your Path. You will always make a sustainable living from lOve. Always. But that does mean there won’t be times when it is hard to feel that lOve. But if you walk the path of lOve, then see through the disappointment and don’t get distracted by entitlement and longing. Keep walking. Keep walking.’
And with that the Voice vanished and the noise of the world once again intruded upon Little Spirit. Yet something had lifted in Little Spirit. Did it really matter that he didn’t get the role? Did it really matter if he was talented and if those talents were recognised? Did it really matter if he achieved and accomplished? No. Not really. What matters is that he lOved acting and in that moment he decided to focus his attention on walking the path of lOve, no matter what befell him.
A smile once again emanated from his heart and the spark lit in his eyes.
lOve…
**********
The enemies of your sOul are strong forces in your life, attempting to keep you chained to your ego, hoping that you continue to look for success, for acknowledgement, for validation and for recognition. The vanity of entitlement keeps you ever seeking external gratification, and the belief good things will befall you just because you walk your path, imprisons you. And yet, it is within you to find that kernel of self-belief; it is within you to discover what you lOve; it is within you to find jOy and peace; it is within you to light your inner fire, that eternal spark that heats your sOul, keeps you motivated and soothes you in times of pain. In astrology, it is called Fixed Fire, or Leo.
The place within you where Leo falls describes that part of your path that needs to pull away from the world, to go inwards and to engage in activities (or people) that supports your inner light, without expectation of return, without need for approval, or without need for acknowledgement. It is a place within you that has been vastly misunderstood in a world obsessed with becoming someone. The phrase, Leo, has become synonymous with pride, the desire for recognition and the longing to be someone. But the deeper dimension of this archetypal sign lies in the need to explore those themes that distract you from your inner light and from walking a path of personal jOy and lOve.
Every year, between late July and mid-August, the Sun and Moon align within this sign. Every year you are afforded the opportunity to align Mind and Soul with your Inner Light. Every year you will feel called to replenish your relationship with those scripts that impassion you. But in 2018, you are being confronted to look at the darker scripts that arise to knock you off your path, to keep your light hidden, to enable your light to only shine when complemented, when acknowledged and when things are going right. This 2018 Leonine eclipse/ lunation contains within its pathway of possibility the opportunity to observe your reactions to rejection, to disappointment and to invisibility, so that you can truly get a sense of how strong your ego is, how strong is your sense of entitlement and how strong your sense of lOve is.
Do you lOve what path you are on? What was the motivation behind walking your path? What was the driving force behind your desire? When not acknowledged, how do you truly feel? When things do not pan out as you had prayed for, do you continue to walk with disappointment or do you start to believe you have done something wrong? These are but a few questions to hold in your heart in the days leading up to this lunation, a time that astrology believes offers you a chance to truly let go old emotional scripts and to plant a seed of intention that gradually roots and flowers over time. If you can spend time reflecting on your emotional reactions to people and situations in times of un-appreciation and disappointment, asking yourself where does this come from and why it has visited you at this time, the energetic conditions are ripe to yield deep insight and subsequently a sense of understanding of what you have truly gained from walking with those shadowy twins.
Just remember that you are your path. You do not need support, acknowledgement or recognition. You are your path and as you walk with, so you will be.
All rights reserved – Andrew Smith. Completed at 09:14 BST, 5th August 2018.
