Despondent, having received yet again the lowest mark in her class, Little Spirit fought back the tears of embarrassment and frustration that threatened to cascade down her face. She had tried ever so hard to write what she thought was a creative piece for the class. She had been trying for eighteen months to honour the confidence her former teacher had in her when he promoted her to the advanced class. But time and time again Little Spirit had propped up the class and endured those furtive patronising smiles and pitiful glances from her peers.
An epic battle waged inside as she clambered onto her bike to make the long road home. That Voice. From the moment those enormous red numbers, etched onto the end of her essay, assaulted her soul, she could hear him. In the past, she had valiantly ignored his jibes, his put downs, his painful home-truths, but this time his voice painfully echoed through her hollowed-out soul.
“You’re an embarrassment. A total loser. You can’t write. You don’t have the imagination. You don’t have the ability. Look at Pauline. Her writing is so eloquent and creative. But you! You! You, who sits in this elite class! You are not worthy. You are simply not good enough. Look at how desperately you are trying. And it takes you hours. It only takes Pauline half an hour. Natural talent that is. Face it. You are simply not good enough.”
She had tried to reason with The Voice in the past, but time and time again his ever present criticism had eroded what little confidence she had left and now, a shell of a soul, she felt utterly defeated. There was nothing left to do but to give in, she thought, as she absently pedalled. There was only one more essay to write and then summer beckoned. It couldn’t come quick enough. She was tired of trying. Tired of feeling humiliated. Tired of fighting The Voice. She felt broken. A giant tub of Ben and Jerry’s Double Chocolate beckoned.
And then she heard a new voice. At first it was hard to detect amidst the violent tempest. It felt like a warm and gentle breeze kissing her face after a harsh winter; a hint of safety; the promise of sanctuary; an oasis.
“You are trying too hard, my dear. You are too concerned about what people think and you have let the pressure of someone’s belief in you enslave you. You can write. Your imagination is what got you into that class in the first place. Remember the time when you didn’t care; when you were utterly unaware of what you were doing. You wrote what you wanted. You roamed free and explored wantonly. Open your heart. Allow me to flow through you. Don’t censor me. Trust me as I trust you.”
The brouhaha raged back and forth within her between her head and her heart as she slowly cycled home. Ignoring the fridge, she climbed the stairs to her bedroom, too exhausted to care about the abstract title of the prose she was to write about. Lifting the pen in her hand, she opened her copybook. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath. ‘Beauty’ she breathed in. ‘What is beauty?’
“Trust what you love. There is beauty in everything you love” said the quiet and gentle Voice.
Images fleetingly flickered across her mind’s eye, as if she were absently scrolling on a social media site, of all that she loved, all that she found beautiful.
“What are you passionate about? What do you love most?”
“Dancing”, she answered.
“Then that is what you must write about”
“But that is not sophisticated a topic enough for the class”
“Trust your heart and write from it”
Immediately she was drawn to an image of the preparation of a dancer before her performance. The care and attention of the small details required to ensure everything was ready for that moment the music started. The words flowed from her as she was consumed by personal experience of an act that she loved – the freedom, the calmness of her mind, the invigoration of her soul, the feeling of strength in her body.
Filled with a deep sense of peace, contentedness coursed through her veins as she finished the short story. She slept easy for the first time in weeks. The opinion of her teacher did not concern her as she handed in her exercise the next morning. She loved what she wrote. That is all that mattered. The days of pain and inner torment over, The Voice quietened, inertia overcome, she had finally mastered Resistance. She was free of his taunts and jibes. She was free…
*****
Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.
- Henry David Thoreau
The song of which Thoreau refers is not music per se but the creative essence of Infinite Intelligence within you seeking an outlet; that song may not be music at all, but maybe something that gives greater expression to your divine nature, to the creative life-force that flows through you.
Speaking openly (Cardinal Air) requires courage because to confidently “sing your song” is one of the most raw and vulnerable experiences that you can have. To have an authentic conversation you will have to take a path through a dimly lit region at the edge your soul, a place called fear – fear of rejection, fear of not being accepted; fear of not being loved. Yet in spite of the fact that you may fear that you won’t be loved, to openly speak your truth is one of the most important things you can do in creating a world that truly honours your voice.
But what voice am I talking about? Your voice is your outward creative expression that arises from the sacred being you are. It is that place within you where the infinite intelligence of gOd has personalised itself, imbued in the fabric of your being at your moment of this incarnation. It is the desire within you to push out and connect your creative being with other souls. It is your essence writ plain for the world to see. It is a place within you that astrologers call Libra!
Despite the inertia created by the fear of openly expressing your voice, finding the courage to start speaking your truth should not take years to establish. Innate to being human is the desire to connect; to form relationships and to create communities based on similar values. In astrological terms, this is known as the element of Air. Made up of three states, all three together lie behind the impetus to connect people and ideas together – to create community.
- The Mutable Air, or Geminian, state is to gather and exchange information
- The Fixed Air, or Aquarian, state is to internalise, reflect and make a value judgement free of external pressure
- The Cardinal Air, or Libran, state is to initiate conversation; to create dialogue and subsequently relationship; to breathe into the world your elemental being
The Cardinal Air time takes place annually from approximately the 22nd/ 23rd September through to the 23rd October, when our Life Giver, the Sun, appears to move through a region of space known as tropical Cardinal Air, or Libra. The time during which the Sun blazes its heat and light through this realm is a time concerning the initiation of dialogue and the sharing and spreading of your voice to all those with whom you come into contact with.
Each one of us contains this Cardinal Air consciousness regardless of whether a planetary body was located within this airy domain at the moment of your birth. This means that everyone can share their voice. Everyone – that means you! Even though there exists many voices within you, many of whom originate from external sources such as your parents and family members, your educational/ religious/ socio-economic conditions, there is one single voice that is yours; there is one note from heaven that is you. Speaking up and out does not mean imposing upon another, nor does it mean dominating any conversation in a zealous and evangelical manner. Speaking up and out means that you openly and freely articulate who it is that you are, allowing your frequency be heard and permitting your Light to be shared with all those who have connected in with your Path.
As the Sun and Moon draw into a tight embrace in the small hours of the 9th October in Europe, renewing the place within our collective sOul that seeks to openly breathe out its Truth, a time has come to enable you to confidently walk to the edge of that dark place called fear and uncertainty and to let your voice be clearly heard. As you reconnect with that place within you called Cardinal Air (Libra); when you are willing to talk openly about what matters to you and who it is that you are; as you live in consort with your Being; something mystical and magical begins to happen: the sound that emanates through your voice, touches the hearts and minds of others, as your heart opens and your sOul soars as you revel in who you were born to be. Little Spirit needed to open her heart and write from it. Once she did that she felt free and cared little for the outcome of her creative endeavour. Her story is your story. It is universal.
So this coming lunation, look into your heart. Listen. You know what you have to do. No-One has to tell you.
If you need to let go of anything in the days leading up to this Cardinal Air New Moon, remembering that a New moon is a time wherein the ‘energetics’ are more conducive to renewing your relationship with the consciousness inherent within the sign of the union of the celestial Lights, then why not spend some time on whether you are truly speaking forth what matters to you or whether you have allowed your voice to become someone else’s?
Finally, as the Kairos is ripe to encourage you to speak up and out, I would like to leave you with one simple question, do you communicate honestly, openly and directly, all the while respecting where another is at within their path, yet nonetheless not compromising on your Truth?
Speak up, speak out. You matter
All rights reserved – www.andrewsmith.ie www.cosmicintelligenceagency.com and Andrew Smith. Completed at 06:52 BST, 6th October 2018.
