The New Moon in Fixed Fire on the 8th August 2021 at 14:50 BST
He fought an incredible battle to stem the tsunami of tears threatening to cascade down his checks. Holding his head high, he stood tall and walked purposefully from the class room, ignoring the furtive whispers and knowing glances. The jibes and taunts would come later, that much he knew. But for now he needed to be alone.
Experience had taught him how to deftly avoid his classmates by pulling into himself, dropping his eyes to the floor and blocking out the deafening hubbub as eager and hungry young souls broke free from the imposition of silence as the bell toiled for lunch break.
Finding his way to his tree at the far end of the playing fields, he sat down, closed his eyes, took a deep breath to calm his quivering body and exhaling, he expelled the raw emotion – the embarrassment, the frustration, the loneliness, the stupidity.
Are you okay?
Startled, Little Spirit looked towards the place from where that gentle, rich Italian voice had penetrated his palisade. Standing in front of him was an unassuming old man, but there was something in the old man’s eyes, a welcome kindness that warmed Little Spirit’s heart.
Would you like to tell me about it?
Little Spirit let go and trustingly shared his most recent heart ache. He was tired of standing alone; of being different. He just wanted to fit in. He just wanted to be normal. But he just couldn’t bring himself to follow the crowd. He just couldn’t. And he so wished he could. He so wished that he loved calcio, like all the other boys. He so wished that he was athletic; handsome; thinner. The list was endless. He felt so broken. He felt lost. He felt alone.
The dam burst.
Little Spirit, the Italian gentleman said, there will be times when you will feel vulnerable, alone and overwhelmed, even if you are surrounded by those you love; you will encounter many a trial and tribulation; you may even feel at times lost and that the flame in your heart weakens; you will feel frustrated and unworthy, tired and forlorn. But know that you are not broken. You do not need to be fixed.
I was once where you are now. My first teacher once told me that I had no voice. That I could not sing. He boys in the choir laughed at me. But the note inside me sang loudly and I could not hear them. I kept singing and singing. Not everyone likes my choices or my voice, but I do. I will keep singing. It’s my heart’s joy.
Little Spirit, you also have something inside you that is of value – something unique. You have the heart of a lion – courageous, majestic, dignified and yet, wild and untethered. What you share with me, those feelings, those distractions have but one purpose – to keep you from being true to you.
Stand firm, Little Spirit, walk confidently and let what is you, guide you. Let every time you step onto the Earth have meaning because you are leaving your mark, even if you feel that you are cloaked in darkened cloth. Your inner flame is ever lasting; your spark, eternal; your fire, immutable. Let no-one put out your flame; let no-one distract you from feeling your fire; from feeling what you love; from feeling love. Your role in life is not to seek this love, your heart, but to seek and find all the obstacles within yourself that you have built against it. Be you.
His heart warmed by the encouragement, Little Spirit was jolted from his enraptured state when another voice, carried crisp and cleanly across the field shouted “Senior Caruso! Senior Caruso? Is that really you?” The man approached. “It is you. My word. It really is you! ‘Vesti le gubbais’ is heaven sent. Can I have your autograph?”
The moment passed, Little Spirit took his leave and returned to class, a broad Duchenne smile lighting his face, the fire in his heart rekindled and burning boldly and vibrantly.
You’ve been there. We all have. You have heard the stories. And it is always about someone else.
Opera singer Enrico Caruso (Jupiter in Leo) was told that he couldn’t sing; JK Rowling (Sun in Leo) was turned down by 12 publishers before Bloomsbury picked Harry Potter up; George Orwell (Venus in Leo) was told it was impossible to sell animal stories; Julia Child (Sun in Leo) felt lost until her 40’s and taught herself to cook, opening up a pathway to fulfilment; Enid Blyton (Sun in Leo) was rejected by publishers over a thousand times!
Yet each ignored the rejections, the slights, the dismissals, dug deep and continued to believe in themselves. I cannot say for certain but I am sure that their heart sank and they plunged into a dark abyss of doubt, frustration and worthlessness when judgement was passed down on their creativity. Yet within each there existed something deep; something that enabled them to transcend beyond those illusory limitations. That something was their ability to tap into their fixed fire – that indomitable inner flame, ever burning, ever constant, ever lighting their path.
Having those feelings is not the sole dominion of being born with the Sun illuminating the consciousness pathway called Fixed Fire, or Leo. Nor do you have planets in Leo to have felt alone; to have tried to run away from yourself, or from love; or to have felt lacking in inner belief and confidence.
Leo, Fixed Fire
Nah, the sign of Leo, which exists within everyone, corresponds to the stage of our psycho-spiritual development wherein the spark of life becomes strong and enduring. Where Leo falls in your chart shows you where you are actively developing this inner conviction over the course of your life and where you need to trust your inner light and to spend time nourishing your own skills regardless of any external factors.
The development of inner confidence is done by truly knowing yourself and accepting yourself as you are. It is only after you begin to accept yourself that you can begin to know what makes you tick and can help you develop self-respect. By connecting with what brings you passion; what makes you feel alive; by listening to, and trusting, your inner voice joy is ultimately created. From joy, inner strength and confidence arise and since confidence is synonymous with happiness, you will feel energetic, excited and reinvigorated.
The energetic conditions of the most recent weeks may have left you both raw and tumultuous. Darkened clouds of self-doubt, fear, isolation and frustration have cast a shadow on your vibrantly awakened soul. Know that it is necessary to reignite YOUR FLAME after a ‘healing’ experience as you are left questioning yourself as your confidence dwindles.
Once reignited, your fire can not only give you a deeper sense of purpose, but it can sustain you through life’s vicissitudes. Without fire you can forget your connection to spirit; without inner purpose, your soul’s intention may struggle to find expression; without vision, you cannot create intention and therefore reality.
When you connect to what gives you passion and purpose then the enslaving emotional states – fear, doubt and insecurity – can be dispelled. As you develop a grounded sense of self-belief and self-confidence, you can walk along any path, integrating all ‘healing’ experiences, as you are no longer dependent upon the external world as a gauge of how you are doing.
Open your heart
This means you are to open your heart. And to open your heart completely means that you need to make yourself vulnerable!
Not an easy task to do for yourself, let alone before another. It takes courage. There always remains the possibility to getting hurt. But without opening yourself to vulnerability, love cannot enter the heart. The veil that protects you can also give you the illusion of being unloved. Yet that is not possible, especially if you consider that love is not merely a decision to extend your feelings towards another soul. Love is the oceanic current that flows from gOd, life giving, life sustaining, life animating. Love brings this world into being. Love holds the matrix together. Love offers hope. Love offers joy. Love accepts. Love listens. Love is.
Every year, your inner light is reignited during the Fixed Fire, or Leonine, lunation. It would be useful to spend the three days leading up to the forth coming New Moon to hold space around igniting your inner fire by reflecting on what inspires you; what things give you purpose; or what forms of creativity you are passionate about.
This is your life. It is your spirit. This is your heart. It is you! Please show your star. Please let your light shine and be true to who it is that you choose to be.
All rights reserved. Andrew Smith, 09:52 BST, 2nd August 2021.