With every downward step, her past, wringing with such emotional intensity rises to meet her, gorging deeper than ever before, salt on her hurt, no balsam in reach, those memories standing tall, messing with her heart.
Why the intensity, her sOul calls out? Why the looping time, after all I feel the depth of those bludgeoning, ill-intentioned objectives that have unbalanced my equanimity. Why now? I’ve done all I can do. I’ve opened my heart to exploration and wonder; I’ve questioned, tested and contemplated; I’ve shared and accepted; I’ve let my heart ache, cried tears of jOy, anguish, pain and lOve; I’ve battled pride and entitlement; I’ve been vulnerable and humble; I’ve spent countless time diving deeply within to meet my inner demons; I know their illusions, their tasteless gestures, their sycophantic lies and their hollow promises; I have grovelled and have walked firm; I feel I’ve matured and have had moments of feeling lOve, forsaking love; and yet, here I crawl…
You are dying, she hears a vOice whisper through her. This quickening is due to your heart’s pending death. There is no need to carry further any blocks that have prevented you living lOve, being lOve, and experiencing lOve. There is no need to not believe that you can live what you lOve and make a living from what you lOve. There is no need to feel alone, when you have never been alOne. All you need to do is to leave something that you have been attached to, a script or pattern that you have invested your heart in, an expectation that has arisen from your ego, behind. All you need to do is decide what that will be. All those heart memories are offering you an insight into what emotional patterns still grow like ivy, subtly strangling and slowly weakening your heart.
Remember that every death is a precursor to a rebirth, just as winter always cedes to spring and the drab grey clouds yield to those fluffy whites! Soon you will embark upon another adventure. Soon another cycle of love/ lOve will begin. 5 days in fact. Now is the time to shed and release what needs to be let go. What is it that you need to let die?
With that question in mind, she continues her downward darkened journey towards the altar and the baptism flame.
Photography unknown and unsourced